Patterning 101

Firstly, what is a pattern? It’s a pretty amazing thing actually. Just as amazing as say, the human heart, or some crazy natural relationship like the plovers who clean the crocodile’s teeth and in turn are the only creatures who don’t get munched. Simply put, your pattern is a series of steps that you take every time you don’t get something you want. Pretty cool, right? It’s cooler than that though, because you actually take EXACTLY THE SAME STEPS in EXACTLY THE SAME ORDER every time.

Hard to believe? I would agree except for the evidence from the hundreds of people I have worked with – revealing every single time a series of steps played out in exactly the same order, to achieve exactly the same result for the person (Namely, some kind of horrible mess of a failure). How do we achieve this amazing feat, without even thinking about it, without even being conscious of it? Who knows. How does a woman’s body build an entire new human being, complete with brain, nervous system and arms and legs from just a tiny sperm? I don’t know. But it seems pretty darn magical, pretty creative, and even mystical to me.

We all have this mystical capacity – this amazing creative potential in us. Think about it. Your body right now is performing countless miracles: breathing, pumping blood, sending sensory data to the brain, thinking. We take this stuff for granted, but if you actually take a second to consider it, just the fact that we exist, that we function the way we do, that we can make stuff like language and art and other humans – it’s not mysticism or spiritual babble to say we are miraculous beings, it’s just a downright freaking amazing fact.

I digress. The point is we can all do stuff without knowing how we do it. Your pattern is part of the proof of this. So without knowing how, you effortlessly perform the same series of steps in the same order achieving the same result each time, AND, you are not even aware you are doing it most of the time. Mostly, the awareness might go as far as a recognition of repeating things in your life – say; why do I always get rejected, or why are people are always ripping me off, or why do people always get angry with me for no reason?

So this is your pattern. A series of steps you take to not get what you want in life. Your pattern is also what causes trouble in your life. It’s what creates stress, suffering, things created but at great cost, the ruination of relationships, the breaking down of business partnerships, getting fired, not getting promoted, bad health, not being able to get off your ass and do something, etc. etc. etc. I like to think of it as a well-meaning (believe it or not), but totally idiotic friend who gives the worst advice ever all the time, and ends up destroying everything in her path – think of a friendly, heartfelt cyclone.

The next question is of course, why? Why the ____ do we create this thing that cruels our life? Now the spiritual set will tell you that there is a higher purpose to the pattern, that in the scheme of your life it does add value, create learning, etc. and after much resistance, I actually now agree with them. But let’s just leave that hanging there and ask, in pragmatic terms:

Why do we develop our pattern? As a defence system.

Against what? Whatever we decided the threat was.

When did we decide this? In early childhood.

How we develop our pattern is expressed in this diagram:

pattern diagram


So basically, it goes like this: we come into the world with a passion to share – this could be anything – love, mysticism, a brilliant business idea, entrepreneurship, family, health, or all of the above and much more. Then, we seek to be loved and seen for this, our essential nature, by our birth parents. Nobody is perfect so to some degree we are not appreciated as much as we want to be. This hurts. It’s a wounding. To fix the pain of being wounded, we come up with a rationalisation – we say, oh, what we have learned from this is: the world is like this, people are like this, and I am like this. These series of decisions are called beliefs. Now we know how it is here, and that relieves the pain of being wounded, but creates a new pain, because now, how do we deal with how it is here? Easy. We make up some strategies for dealing with it. Over time, and through a process of trial and error, these strategies become more and more solid, and eventually develop into the pattern.

So the short version is: your pattern is your solution to the problem that was posed by your childhood circumstances.

Here’s an example (taken from one of my patterning courses): Person A. Let’s call her Jane Doe. She comes here with a passion to share – let’s say it’s love and connection. Then she has a childhood experience. In her case she comes into a huge family with lots of brothers and sisters, and as a result she has to scream bloody murder to get the attention of her mother and get her needs met. This is her wound.

How does she deal with the wound? She makes up a series of assumptions about how the world is (beliefs) – they could be things like: “My mother doesn’t love me”, “I’m unlovable”, “I’m not heard”, “I can’t get my needs met”, etc. Now she has resolved the pain of her wound to some degree (explaining pain always gives us a sense of control or something and so eases it), but she has a new pain, or issue: Now I know how it is, but how do I deal with how it is?

So, how does she deal with a circumstance in childhood where her needs are ignored unless she is in an absolute emergency? (This is the problem) Easy: Continually create a whole bunch of drama in her life so that she can legitimately make a lot of noise and therefore be seen and heard and therefore have her needs met. This is the solution. Over time, her pattern slowly solidifies into creating drama and making lots of noise.

An important point here is that the strategy always obscures the real end result. I.e. what she really wants is to be seen and heard and get her needs met. Instead, that result becomes lost and the pattern, and her life (to the degree that she is run by her pattern) become about creating drama and making lots of noise.

So now she’s a drama queen. People know her for this, and so they take her less and less seriously. She gets less of what she really wants: i.e. Love and attention and getting her needs met. Her behaviour escalates – she creates more drama. People take her less seriously, which makes her create more drama, and so it goes, round and round the carousel. It’s basically the boy who cried wolf archetype. (Another interesting aside: patterns often reveal a lovely and simple archetype that you can then use to do things differently. I.e. If you are the boy who cried wolf, you can stop trying to get attention and just get on with your life.)

Examples are often vivid, and when you see someone else’s you can sometimes feel superior or something, like, how silly are they? But believe me, you have your own version, and from the outside it looks just as self-sabotaging and even ridiculous as this one does.

So that tells you how and why you (we) create our pattern. The next obvious question is what the hell do we do about it?

Yup. That’s a big one. And well worth answering. There are a couple of key points here: 1. You have to really see it to change it. 2. It’s addictive. This is the reason why even people who have seen their pattern may not change it straight away.

An important and key point about patterning is that there are two agendas running always. One is the goal of the soul or higher self = the thing you want. The other is the goal of the ego, or the pattern = the resolution of childhood pain. The key point is that the ego will always happily sacrifice the actual goal in favour of the resolution of childhood pain. I.e. From the ego’s perspective, the house that Jane Doe wants can burn down for all it cares, as long as she get the drama. This is why getting your pattern out is so important, because it reveals your egoic focus at its core, and when you have this information, you can make changes in your life at a foundational level.

Then there’s point 2: it’s addictive. If you have watched “What the bleep”, you will know it has been scientifically proved that emotions that we habitually experience are actually addictive. I.e. There are little pathways in the brain that become easier and easier to follow the more we follow them. Your pattern is the same. It’s like a well-worn path in your consciousness – and it is always easier to take the well-worn path than go bush bashing (this might be Australianise – it means hacking your way through bushland where there is no track).

Your pattern is essentially an addictive way of paying attention in your life. You’re probably already aware of parts of this: you or your friends might joke about it – about how you’re a control freak, or how you love conspiracy theories, or how you always see the best in everyone, no matter the evidence to the contrary. These things are markers of your worldview. But the vast majority of people are not aware of their particular way of seeing the world at the level that is revealed in their pattern. I can safely say that every person whose pattern I have done has been at once very surprised at the result and eerily familiar with it. The reason we can’t see it is because we can’t see the wood for the trees. We live it and breathe it. It’s like trying to see oxygen.

So the first thing is to see it. The second is to recognise that even though it is cruelling aspects of your life and aspirations, at some level, deep down, you are very attached to it. Addicted you might say. So how do you kick a habit? Like AA and other programs that work with addiction tell us: the first step is admitting you’re an addict. The second is to truly recognise the thing that you get out of it. Because there is something – it’s a dysfunctional thing – but it gives you a hit of some kind. Maybe you get a sense of control in an uncertain world, maybe you get a thrill of the power you don’t believe you inherently have, maybe you feel accepted, or loved – could be any of these, and many other options.

When your pattern is done well, it will show you what your “hit” is. Once you see this, you can kick the habit. You can begin living in a way that is far beyond what you are accustomed to. You can create results that you previously believed were impossible. This is true. I have seen it happen in my life and in the lives of the many, many people I have worked with.

So. Where to from here? Hopefully this article has been of some use to you. Maybe it has sparked some interest. If you want to know more, or have a chat about it, contact me here. If you want to be part of making a difference in people’s lives by revealing their patterns and helping them transform out of them, then you might think about doing my pattern course. It is a phenomenally powerful tool to teach you how to get people’s patterns out. It looks at each aspect of the highly specialised skill that is patterning and gives you powerful tools and knowledge to take your ability to a whole new level. You can check it out here. It’s online so you can do it from anywhere in the world from the sanctuary of your own home – if the time-zone doesn’t work for you, contact me, we can always work around it. It starts in two weeks and there are very limited spaces so if you are interested, do act.

Signing off. Thanks for reading. Don’t hesitate to send me your opinions, questions and thoughts.

Lots of Love


Willow 3

One Comment on “Patterning 101

  1. Loved your article Willow, and I understand you must have done a lot of exploration yourself to bring this work through. Please advertise your work on my FB site. Love to support your divine mission and your success.

    Linda Shooting Staar oxo

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